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DOES TOO

by Sally Draper

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1.
I'm a broken boy stuck in a man's body, I am my own disease I'm not worth the air I breathe I'm killing myself with the drugs I use to live with myself, I'm not worth the air I breathe
2.
So what if my spontaneity is always preplanned? I'm not apologizing for who I am So go ahead and hold it against me, Your lack of sincerity is a fucking tragedy I'd rather get lost trying to find myself, Than spend my days pretending to be someone else I'd rather be self aware, Than be another asshole saying I don't care So what if I'm thoughtful to a fault? So what if I'm faultful in my thoughts? You say that misery is a liberty, But I can't control what I'm fucking feeling And what I'm feeling is shit So maybe by not letting go, I held on too damn tight Maybe my success was in excess, And maybe you're the winner of this fight
3.
New York City is a fucking headache, The bright lights are too much for me New York City was a fucking mistake, I can't afford a fucking thing New York City is a fucking headache, I can't sleep with all this noise around me New York City is a fucking heartache, With all the girls who won't talk to me This will be my last night in the city New York City is a fucking headache, New York City is a fucking headache New York City was a fucking mistake, New York City, it's time I leave This will be my last night in the city
4.
Ruthy was born in New York City, Sometime in the late nineteen-twenties As a girl she was shy and pretty, Now she's elderly and lives in New Jersey It was in her early twenties, When she first was married Divorce wasn't on the table So she put up with him, oh she put up with him Until he drank himself to death, In front of their two kids In the hospital, She promised them this wouldn't happen again Ruthy, forget your pain Some years later she was remarried, Got carried away and had a couple babies Half siblings brought on full resentment, Of all these things they'd never understand Like how to be a decent man, How to be a sensitive person When to listen, when to take a stand, Oh, they'll never understand Ruthy, forget your pain Now it's a lifetime later, Things are never getting better You've been wasting away for years, And it's time to pack it in You lost your identity, At the turn of the century When you lost your independence, You lost your will to live Assisted living turns into hospice care, Out of your head falls your teeth and your hair Losing all of your weight, you're just skin and bones, Waiting for a grave to call home Antidepressants distract you from your pain, Dementia has you forgetting names If you have to forget everyone that you love, Oh, I hope you forget your pain Oh, I hope you forget your pain
5.
87 03:10
All we have left, Are the photographs, Collaged on cardboard, The temporary of your memory Eighty-seven years of life, Packed in tupperware boxes Eighty-seven years of life, Collecting dust in the garage Is this all that we become? Is this all that we're made of? We buried you today, By your first husband's grave We buried you today, We stood and we prayed Is this all that we become? Is this all that we're made of?
6.
I wish I could go back to our walk in the woods, I wish I was getting lost in the woods with you I wish I was still wandering the woods with you I wish I could go back to your apartment with you, After taking a walk in the woods with you Hanging with your cats named after literary icons Making love with your Simon and Garfunkel records on, Oh, I never felt so whole, no, I never felt so good Can we go back to last September? To all those nights I'll always remember I may want to forget each and every regret, But I'll never forget how it felt to be with you
7.
It's hard to hear your prayers, When you're screaming in my face It's hard to withhold judgment, Talking Judgment Day Any god I demanding praise, Ain't no goddamn god of mine Any god I have to fear, Ain't no god of mine When you found god, You lost yourself You lost yourself, When you found god Belief's not the problem, It's the people who take advantage of it If there's a kingdom of heaven, Why would it be so intolerant? Scare me with your crosses and your holy water, Scare me with your condescension, your lack of acceptance, you're always behind the times You preach love but breed hatred, And I hate it, I fucking hate it When you found god, You lost yourself You lost yourself, When you found god
8.
Losing self respect, Gaining self consciousness Losing self esteem, Feeling shittier than a night at Garvey's For once all of my dreams are within reach, Just close enough to watch them all slip away When I'm feeling great, I know it can't be good It's my slow maturity, Nothing's what it's cracked up to be I'm too young to be too old for this, And I'm too dumb to feel this significant Just like that August when all my friends moved out of our hometown, Twenty-seven, still living in my parents' house It's hard not to feel pathetic, impossible to grow, So I'll seek my validation from strangers on the internet
9.
You were my landing strip, A safe place guiding me home I'm so glad you let this domestic boy, Land in your international space You made coming home feel so fucking good, We never had rough patches because of your well maintained landing strip Without your landing strip, I am lost Without your landing strip, I crash and burst into flames Without your landing strip, I have no place
10.
I'd sleep in your bed, I'd get lost in your skin You'd get stuck in my head, You were my reason to live I'd stay up for your calls, I'd kiss your chapped lips You were affectionate, You knew that I exist I can't handle happiness, I can't see this moment for what it is I can't handle happiness, I can't maintain my relationships, i can't handle happiness, I can't get past my present tense Now I sleep alone in my bed, Now I've lost your skin Now I'm stuck in my head, I have no reason to live Now we don't talk at all, I don't kiss your chapped lips Now you don't know me at all, Now I don't exist I can't move forward while looking back, So maybe I'll try just staying right here

about

This album was recorded at the Behr Office LLP and our parents' houses between September 2016 and February 2017.

credits

released March 10, 2017

Engineered by Bob Osowski

Mixed and Mastered by Bill Henderson at Azimuth Mastering

Ryan O'Leary - Guitar, Vocals, Piano
Bob Osowski - Guitar, Bass, Drums, Vocals, Piano

Special guest vocals on "A Walk In The Woods" by Grace Phipps

Additional backing vocals by Joe Cash, Brian Dipierro, and Dan Murtha

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Sally Draper Edison, New Jersey

Punk Thin Lizzying since 2016.

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